Ancient Roman porno (text)--Catullus 16 and The Secret History

Procopius was an ancient Roman historian. He also did some ancient tabloid stuff, talking about how Emperor Justinian I's wife was a whore.

Among the more titillating (and doubtful) revelations in the Secret History is Procopius' account of Empress Theodora's thespian accomplishments:

Quote :

Often, even in the theater, in the sight of all the people, she removed her costume and stood nude in their midst, except for a girdle about the groin: not that she was abashed at revealing that, too, to the audience, but because there was a law against appearing altogether naked on the stage, without at least this much of a fig-leaf. Covered thus with a ribbon, she would sink down to the stage floor and recline on her back. Slaves to whom the duty was entrusted would then scatter grains of barley from above into the calyx of this passion flower, whence geese, trained for the purpose, would next pick the grains one by one with their bills and eat.

Her husband Justinian, meanwhile, was literally losing his head, at least according to this passage:

Quote :

And some of those who have been with Justinian at the palace late at night, men who were pure of spirit, have thought they saw a strange demoniac form taking his place. One man said that the Emperor suddenly rose from his throne and walked about, and indeed he was never wont to remain sitting for long, and immediately Justinian's head vanished, while the rest of his body seemed to ebb and flow; whereat the beholder stood aghast and fearful, wondering if his eyes were deceiving him. But presently he perceived the vanished head filling out and joining the body again as strangely as it had left it.

The full translation is here: http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/basis/procop-anec.html



Catullus was an ancient Roman poet. But his #16 was epic. The following adaptation attempts to convey the attitude of this poem:

Quote :

I'm gonna fuck you scrubs up the ass and shove my cock down your throats,
yes, you, Aurelius--you fucking cocksucker--and you too, Furius, you faggot!
Just because my verses are tender doesn't mean
that I've gone all soft. Sure, a poet should focus
on writing poetry and not on sex; but does that
mean they can't write about sex? If a poem is
in good taste, well-written and erotic,
it can give massive boners to hairy old men,
not just to horny teenagers. You think I'm a sissy
just because I write about thousands of kisses?
I'm gonna fuck you scrubs up the ass and shove my cock down your throats!

Quote :

Line...Latin text.......................................................English translation[7][8][9][10]
1.......Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo,.............................I will bugger you and face-fuck you,
2.......Aureli pathice et cinaede Furi,..............................Cock-sucker Aurelius and catamite Furius,
3.......qui me ex versiculis meis putastis,........................You who think, because my verses
4.......quod sunt molliculi, parum pudicum......................Are delicate, that I am a sissy.
5.......Nam castum esse decet pium poetam...................For it's right for the devoted poet to be chaste
6.......ipsum, versiculos nihil necessest(necesse est);......Himself, but it's not necessary for his verses to be so.
7.......qui tum denique habent salem ac leporem,...........Verses which then have taste and charm,
8.......si sunt molliculi ac parum pudici...........................If they are delicate and sexy,
9.......et quod pruriat incitare possunt,...........................And can incite an itch,
10.....non dico pueris, sed his pilosis.............................And I don't mean in boys, but in those hairy old men
11.....qui duros nequeunt movere lumbos......................Who can't get their flaccid dicks up.
12.....Vos, quod milia multa basiorum............................You, because you have read of my thousand kisses,
13.....legistis, male me marem putatis?..........................You think I'm a sissy?
14.....Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo...............................I will bugger you and face-fuck you.

Lol wut?

Naturally. The romans are of course famous for their orgies.
Recently in art class we had to design sets for a play set in ancient rome, and had to do research on murals, vegetation, architecture, society etc. Fun fact, the most famous and well-preserved murals are in a brothel in Pompeii, depicting people having sex, and are theorized to serve as a 'menu' of what the prostitutes would do.
The group researching society found that ancient romans didn't define sexuality with just 'male' 'female' 'straight' 'gay,' but had more explicit and less romantic categories. 'Receiving' 'penetrating' 'top' 'bottom,' etc. Or so said wikipedia.

xDD

In Greek culture, little boys would be like sex whores for older men (eromenos). They would be "apprenticed" at an early age...and would be involved in...ummm....various...uhhh...well you know where im going.

In Japan women were not allowed to preform in operas since they were also prostitutes, after making sure only men were in opera it was found out that the men were also prostitutes. Men are still the traditional performers of opera in Japan, why is that now?